morningsickness should be called MOURNINGsickness

but maybe that's just me?
maybe its because i just cant picture myself being a mother
maybe its because I'm scared that I'm going to be a terrible mother
maybe its because i watch too much Nancy grace and I'm scared ill end up like one of those chicks?

i mean I'm a nanny i know how to take care of children... that's not  what I'm worried about. I'm worried about the fact that  i don't have a stable environment to raise the munchkin in. i don't even have a real environment to raise her in. my first thought was adoption but my boyfriend vetoed that idea and i don't really blame him. i don't want to go about my life not knowing where my baby is. is his/her new family treating him/her? i don't think i could live with my self not knowing.

but since i am a nanny that means i have to be at work 6 days a week at 7 am... i usually don't fall asleep until 1am and I'm up puking my guts out at 3,4,5,and 6 am... so all in all I'm always sleep deprived... sick and headache-y because of lack of caffeine in my system. 

not to mention the fact of naming this child.  my boyfriends last name is Bryan. and i really didn't think that would make naming the child that hard.. but indeed it does very much so.  for a girl i like Gia Mari Bryan. i think it flows quite well. however my boys name is officially out the window (Brendon Brice Bryan? yea.... no)  I'm at the point where I'm just going to name him Bryan Ryan Bryan.. just to fuck with people.

my to do list  for the rest of the day:
1- do my yoga DVD i borrowed from my boss
2- do at LEAST 20 Mins on the treadmill (against Dr's orders)
3- REMEMBER to take the god damn prenatal vitamins
4- eat something before i take them
5- try not to puke up the food and vitamin

intake of the day:
breakfast- a cup of coffee-(shhh don't tell)
lunch- whipped cream (sprayed directly in to my mouth)
dinner- nothing yet