Monday, December 6, 2010

im backkk did you miss me?

don't lie... i know you did... there was lots of ups and downs in the past month.... the lowest being... i lost the baby. i  lost my baby. i lost my little baby. i cried at least an hour a day for 3 weeks straight. i don't know what i did wrong,  but the boyfriend keeps telling me it just wasn't our time to have a baby, and i guess hes right... what he doesn't know is this is the second baby iv lost and at this point I'm convinced i keep doing something wrong.
when god intends me to have a baby i will have a baby. i will have 4 babies. i love babies.
but id rather not talk about that so lets be positive

i convinced him to go to thanksgiving with me. it went great my family loves him and are happy i have a man who's not a drug dealer, a drug user (as far as hard drugs go at least), a heavy drinker, or a wife beater lol. he likes my family  for the most part too. he got to hear all my embarrassing little kid stories, witch i think he enjoyed too much but all in all it was a good day.we spent  the weekend up at my grandmas and i had lots of fun. it got my mind off of everything that had been running through my mind prior. we went to the mal and i went on a balls to the wall shopping spree... part retail therapy, part my grandma set me loose in the biggest mall in the south east with her debit card...  what i did not get however... was a laptop. im hoping my rich daddy will get me one since i can pull the  "oh woe is me  i live in a shitty apartment with my boyfriend and don't even have a computer to play the sims on... get me a mac book pro kthxbye" card and hope it works.

so any way when i got home from my grandmas,  my boss dropped it on me, shes  sending me up to my home town of long beach NY for xmas..... but ..... when i come back i have to get my stuff and leave... im out of the job. the baby got in to a REALLY good daycare that they didn't expect her to get in to for another 6months... I'm royally fucked. 
not only that but my boyfriends mom is kicking him out if he cant come up with the rent  by jan 15th. so we need to find a place, and find jobs with in a very short period of time. he said i don't have to get a real job and  just find another babysitting thing just to make a few dollars here and there. witch I'm more then ok with  the only flaw in that plan is ....oh i don't know.... HE DOSENT  HAVE A JOB EITHER. if im gone for a long period of time its because im living under a bridge some where in Georgia.... freezing to death and  plotting to kill my boyfriend... just so you girls know <3

daily stuff
Thin_Envy - hello love, sorry i cant really think of all the drama....  know there has been alot, but  life has been absloutly nuts <3

draw out my tattoo that my best friend is buying for me
do the zumba workout video thing i fell in love with
go to walmart and buy shavers.

ill start up intake tomorow....
love you girls<3

1 comment:

  1. Awwww love my heart goes out for you sweetie xx
    It sounds like your having a tough time.... but there is always a silver lining in everything babe!!!!!
    Hope it gets better love



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